Keep Calm And Write On

source My last concussion was June 21st, 2016. It was my fifth in less than two years. I am not the same, and I'm just now beginning to accept that. Some days, (most days) I forget where I parked my car, or I plan out my activities so as not to overtire myself. I watch out for how much time I spend on the computer and I adapt. I am just now beginning to feel as if I am coming back to myself, like half of me was left behind for several months to hold down the fort and now the second half of my brain has returned to pull its own weight again. Unless you've lived with a concussion or a brain injury, I think there's a certain level of understanding that you can never reach about this type of injury. You don't know what it's like to go to Walmart and suddenly become terribly overwhelmed by the lights and sounds at the checkout and start crying because it's your body's only defense. You don't know what it's like to lay in darkness for hours at a

"They will know we are Christians by our love, by our love. They will know we are Christians by our love" - By Our Love, For King and Country I was halfway through singing along to this song on the radio when someone cut me off in traffic. Granted, I went out the day after Christmas, so that's on me. But still. I was appropriately peeved. The other driver pulled out in front of me suddenly and crossed into the lane next to me, almost causing me to rear end him. "LEARN TO DRIVE!" I yelled, startling my little sister who hadn't seen what had just happened. As soon as the words left my mouth it struck me that the last words out before then had been they will know we are Christians by our love . Something doesn't compute. " A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly. The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and

So this year, much like last year, I plan to make reading more of a priority, and set goals for myself in order to better myself and stretch my mind. As I mentioned in my last post, I've read 26 books this year, and I'm hoping to read at least that many for 2018. 2018 will hopefully be a little less.... chaotic than 2017. But if it is...all the more reason to spend more time reading and less time mindlessly facebook surfing. it remains to be seen how exactly I follow the recommended categories in the Tim Challies reading challenge, but as it stands now, here's the beginning of my reading wish list for this coming year, which as far as i'm concerned, starts now, because Christmas break. Ordinary Counter Culture Boundaries in Dating Crazy Love -started You and Me Forever Lies young Women Believe The crook in the lot Romeo and Juliet Most of these are entirely random and it's certainly not an exclusive list but I hope to keep adding to it. If yo

This time last year, I decided I wanted to get back into reading for pleasure. Multiple concussions had taken their toll, and reading had become laborious and difficult to focus on. Coming across the 2017 Christian Reading Challenge  inspired me, and initially, I only had a goal of making it to the first level, 13 books. As it stands now though, I've read 26. That averages out to roughly one every two weeks and that may not seem like a lot but after five concussions, I'll take it. A few were from classes, so they were technically required reading, but I read them thoroughly and enjoyed them thoroughly. I used the challenge as a loose guide, finding books I may not have otherwise been inclined to read, although I did not follow it exactly. In no particular order, here are the books I've read this year: Sovereignty and the Goodness of God. The World Turned Upside: Indian voices from early America A Woman God can Use Delighting in the Trinity Creation Regained Wra

I keep sitting down to write a blog post and I keep getting distracted halfway through, or I have better, or more pressing things to do and I've come to realize that making time for myself, to simply write or read has taken a backseat in my life. Some of it is shifted priorities, yes, but shouldn't writing have always been a priority, if I call myself a writer? As I pack to move I keep looking at all the beautiful books I never read and I get discouraged, and a little angry. Angry at the brain injury that makes my schoolwork take longer so I have little time for any thing else, angry that I cant just accept that I don't have time to read and write and angry that I don't have limitless time and resources to tell all the stories I'd like. And there are so many stories I could tell. But when I sit down to tell one the words and ideas don't flow like they once did.  Writers block was once in a particular novel, or a certain direction of a novel, it wasn't th

I am by nature prone to feeling that I can always do more, and service in the church is no exception. Back in high school, I was far more active in service than I am now. Sure I am busier now, but the bigger reason I do less now is my health. I've had 4 concussions in the last 14 months, which adds up to a lot of rest, a lot of time spent trying to remember things and regain my reading comprehension and basically get back to living. I've also been majorly affected by chronic fatigue, which is slowly improving but was a major hindrance for a while. I've blogged about the concussions before so I won't regurgitate about them here but I want to confess something as a result of those, my fatigue, and my general college craziness: My life made me selfish. I had to be (and still have to be sometimes) my own first priority. They tell you when you're concussed to rest but they never tell you that forcing yourself to rest means you're saying no to a lot of things.

I've talked on here before about my concussions last year, but I think I've rather underplayed their effects on me. Perhaps I didn't want to seem like I was overreacting, didn't want to blow it out of proportion. But here's what I've been learning. Sometimes things outside of your control impact you and continue to impact you for months or even years afterward. But this isn't always a bad thing. In some ways, my head trauma(s) have stolen a lot from me. Reading comprehension, memory, for a while, my ability to comprehend anything. In return, they gave me a lot of things I didn't ask for at the time. Nausea. Depression. Migraines. A general feeling of being lost. A feeling that the world was moving on while I was standing still, moving backwards even, falling further and further behind in my academic career while others surged on ahead. Feeling that I wasn't working hard enough to beat this. Feeling that if someone else I knew had a much worse

Writing used to mean a lot to me. But now? Now things like work, school, and concussions have stolen my catharsis away from me. I've stayed away from new years resolutions for years, and in some ways nothing really ever changes. A calendar year is simply a marking point for the passing of time. So why is the beginning of a year so important to us? Why does it hold so much supposed promise? Because January 2017 separates us from 2016, for better or for worse. we are finally in a different year from things like car accidents, deaths of family members, and serious injuries. They seem to have less of an impact when we can finally relegate them to the shadowy past of "last year", instead of implying that they still have a sort of hold on us because they happened "this year." What's kept me from blogging for most of 2016? Everything. Fear. Depression. Exhaustion. My second concussion, after which I was so far behind in my classes that I had t