When Life Makes You Selfish


I am by nature prone to feeling that I can always do more, and service in the church is no exception. Back in high school, I was far more active in service than I am now. Sure I am busier now, but the bigger reason I do less now is my health. I've had 4 concussions in the last 14 months, which adds up to a lot of rest, a lot of time spent trying to remember things and regain my reading comprehension and basically get back to living. I've also been majorly affected by chronic fatigue, which is slowly improving but was a major hindrance for a while.

 I've blogged about the concussions before so I won't regurgitate about them here but I want to confess something as a result of those, my fatigue, and my general college craziness:

 My life made me selfish. I had to be (and still have to be sometimes) my own first priority. They tell you when you're concussed to rest but they never tell you that forcing yourself to rest means you're saying no to a lot of things. you say no to fellowship dinners. you say no to volunteering for VBS. you say no to extra shifts at work to help someone out. You say no to opportunities to help people. and it hurts. It leaves a pain of guilt that you can't talk yourself out of. "If so and so can give time to the church,"  you say to yourself, "I need to as well. Look how busy they are. I should be able to serve more than them aI'm not serving at all. I'm not being a very useful member of the body of christ." 

 Now we're all well familiar with the Bible illustration about body parts and their usefulness, but when life makes you selfish, that story makes you think "But I'm not doing anything at all, not even something small!" 

 That's what you think. 

 But let me tell you about my friend. We'll call her Ginger. Ginger has a lot of stuff going on. Her health is rocky and doctors haven't been as helpful as they could be. no one knows what's wrong with Ginger and recently she's had to withdraw from school. She can't serve in the church weekly as usual and by some accounts, her life is making her selfish. It's ridiculously frustrating to become suddenly unable to do things you used to do with no problem. It's aggravating to need so much rest. If Ginger feels like a failure, she's so wrong. She's a success. 

  My friend Ginger is one of the strongest people I know. She is always understanding, cheerful, encouraging, generous, and willing to help and give advice. Her difficult season of life is her testimony, and her strength in God is her service to others. 

 When we look at Ginger and we know that the only thing giving us strength is Christ. We see the power of his peace and the strength of his provision. We need people to show us things like that. Right now, that is how Ginger is serving God, by going through her life right now with grace, by leaning on Him and by encouraging her friends to do the same. 

 The bottom line is this, If you think life is making you selfish, you are actually serving people by pointing them to God. and that is possibly one of the highest services, the greatest testimony, the best display of strength. Anyone can hand out bulletins, almost anyone can serve in the nursery, but our legacy and our service go far, far beyond that. God calls almost all of us to earth-shattering, faith-testing trials in one time or another. That's not a unique experience. What is unique is coming out on the other side praising Him still. "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will leave this life. The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21)

 "God uses chronic pain and weakness, along with other afflictions, as his chisel for sculpting our lives. Felt weakness deepens dependence on Christ for strength each day. The weaker we feel, the harder we lean. and the harder we lean, the stronger we grow spiritually, even while our bodies waste away. To live with your 'thorn' uncomplainingly--that is, sweet, patient, and free in heart to love and help others, even though every day to feel weak--is true sanctification. it is true healing for the spirit. It is a supreme victory of grace." - J. I. Packer


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