Living for Those Still Here, Or, The Reason for the Hiatus.

 I've seen a lot of loss. And I know people who have seen much more. I've grieved in ways I'm not yet comfortable blogging about, but my God is faithful and he's placed a lot of people around me to support and continually point towards himself. 

Sometimes it feels as though I've lived so much LIFE in the past few years it's difficult to even wrap my mind around it all. 

In the past three years, I've said goodby to my great aunt and my nana, I graduated college, got my first Big Girl With A Degree Job, moved across the country, started online dating, met someone, Married him (!!) had a baby,  and moved BACK across the country. 

Not mentioned is the emergency gallbladder removal, COVID related family emergencies, and more. 

Sometimes it all seems like too much. There's been very little time to rest, and absorb. Process. Grieve, move on. Accept. 

I quit writing because what was the point in trying to find ONE thing to write about when there was SO much. Everything was still so raw I wasn't sure I could put together a single cohesive thought, let alone a blogpost or an article.

Writing used to be my life, my creative outlet, and even it became too much. Part of it is the pain of knowing one of my biggest cheerleaders is not here to read and give her input, which hurts my heart. 

But something I realized only recently is while that particular person is gone, there are countless others who encouraged me through my writing who are still here. I value their encouragement and while I've grown a bit more humble in my assessment of my own skill, I still enjoy writing and it's time to begin making time for it again. 

Another reason for the unofficial/not really planned writing hiatus is this: I'm a completely different person than when I first began to write, and when I go back and read previous works, I cringe at this or that, and I talk myself out of starting something new. Because, after all, how well did I write to begin with?

I can't really tell you if anyone will know my name for my words or anything else a hundred years from now. I can tell you that people in my life say they enjoy what I have to say. 

And today, right now, this moment, that's enough reason to keep writing.

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