#concussion awareness day
(This post was written last year)
September 15th was Concussion Awarness Day.
Or as I refer to it, every day of my life.
I would have posted something on here but...I have a concussion. Sitting down at the computer to write is uncomfortable, and often impossible. So I cranked out a few facebook statuses throughout the day and i called it good. But even my longest post, a free verse poem of sorts, didnt go into the detail of explaining what its like to live with this.
I used to be really uncomfortable with the idea of referring to what I live with as an "injury", it was just my life. few people around me seemed to think it was serious so I didnt either. I expected myself to live up to the ability of others and up to the ability of my pre-concussion self and was intesely frustrated and let down when it didnt happen. Because it rarely does. At the same time, i didnt want to admit the impact that my injury had on me. I knew people who had it worse and so I wouldn't complain.
My morning walk to class on Friday was normal. Except I prayed something I never thought I would. "God thank you for my concussions and the growth you've given me through them."
#tbi
#concussion awareness day
"Hear my cry O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint." Psalm 61:1-2
Psalm 62:5-6" for God alone, o my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress, I shall not be shaken. "
Psalm 4: 7-8
"You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain an wine abound. In peace I will both lie down and sleep: for you alone, make me dwell in safety."
Psalm 3:5 "I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me."
September 15th was Concussion Awarness Day.
Or as I refer to it, every day of my life.
I would have posted something on here but...I have a concussion. Sitting down at the computer to write is uncomfortable, and often impossible. So I cranked out a few facebook statuses throughout the day and i called it good. But even my longest post, a free verse poem of sorts, didnt go into the detail of explaining what its like to live with this.
I used to be really uncomfortable with the idea of referring to what I live with as an "injury", it was just my life. few people around me seemed to think it was serious so I didnt either. I expected myself to live up to the ability of others and up to the ability of my pre-concussion self and was intesely frustrated and let down when it didnt happen. Because it rarely does. At the same time, i didnt want to admit the impact that my injury had on me. I knew people who had it worse and so I wouldn't complain.
My morning walk to class on Friday was normal. Except I prayed something I never thought I would. "God thank you for my concussions and the growth you've given me through them."
#tbi
#concussion awareness day
"Hear my cry O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint." Psalm 61:1-2
Psalm 62:5-6" for God alone, o my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress, I shall not be shaken. "
Psalm 4: 7-8
"You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain an wine abound. In peace I will both lie down and sleep: for you alone, make me dwell in safety."
Psalm 3:5 "I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me."
"I stutter sometimes, and my eyes tell you more than I ever could with my lips.
I have earbuds in with no music on when I'm in crowded places because it quiets the cacophony of outside noises to a full tolerable roar.
I don't like reading out loud because I'm afraid of stumbling over the words and being seen as stupid.
I have to close my eyes in class sometimes because my brain is taking on too much and I can't make sense of it all.
I don't like meeting new people because I feel spacey most of the time and I'm sure the world considers me a dingbat.
I'm frustrated when adults tell me I'm too young to be this tired, because I wish my brain injury agreed with them.
I study as hard as I can because making deans list in spite of my own brain holding me back would be a huge accomplishment.
My head pounds against the noise in the background like the dominating beat at a rock concert.
By the time I put my thoughts together, the conversation has moved on, and I appear to be a disinterested mute, with nothing to say and no input on what goes on in the world.
When you doubt my symptoms, you doubt my struggle.
When you doubt my abilities and my struggles, you only add to the critical voices in my head, and build on the depression and anxiety I fight against every day.
When I get tired or study for too long, my body rebels and my eyes cross, leaving everything I see encased in a blurry, frightening haze, signaling to me that it is time to rest.
For most, a concussion is fully healed in a few weeks, but for some, they last for months, even years, magnified each time they receive a bump on the head. For 15% of the concussed, the nightmare continues for longer than it should, seemingly longer than they can take.
And for some of those 15%...
For some.
The nightmare never ends.
Some of us may never stop thinking through a fog, or fighting to learn despite memory loss or difficulty reading.
For 15%, concussion symptoms are a way. Of life. For 15%, the symptoms invisible to others are all too visible to us. But we, along with our struggles, remain invisible to the world. "
I have earbuds in with no music on when I'm in crowded places because it quiets the cacophony of outside noises to a full tolerable roar.
I don't like reading out loud because I'm afraid of stumbling over the words and being seen as stupid.
I have to close my eyes in class sometimes because my brain is taking on too much and I can't make sense of it all.
I don't like meeting new people because I feel spacey most of the time and I'm sure the world considers me a dingbat.
I'm frustrated when adults tell me I'm too young to be this tired, because I wish my brain injury agreed with them.
I study as hard as I can because making deans list in spite of my own brain holding me back would be a huge accomplishment.
My head pounds against the noise in the background like the dominating beat at a rock concert.
By the time I put my thoughts together, the conversation has moved on, and I appear to be a disinterested mute, with nothing to say and no input on what goes on in the world.
When you doubt my symptoms, you doubt my struggle.
When you doubt my abilities and my struggles, you only add to the critical voices in my head, and build on the depression and anxiety I fight against every day.
When I get tired or study for too long, my body rebels and my eyes cross, leaving everything I see encased in a blurry, frightening haze, signaling to me that it is time to rest.
For most, a concussion is fully healed in a few weeks, but for some, they last for months, even years, magnified each time they receive a bump on the head. For 15% of the concussed, the nightmare continues for longer than it should, seemingly longer than they can take.
And for some of those 15%...
For some.
The nightmare never ends.
Some of us may never stop thinking through a fog, or fighting to learn despite memory loss or difficulty reading.
For 15%, concussion symptoms are a way. Of life. For 15%, the symptoms invisible to others are all too visible to us. But we, along with our struggles, remain invisible to the world. "
2 hours ago I posted an honest sample of what it's like to be sick with the effects of a concussion. I didn't mention the nausea, or the fatigue really, or the overwhelming feeling of inadequacy.
But I also didn't mention the people around me, who validate my illness and encourage me through it. God bless them all. My family, my friends, whether they truly know my experience first hand or not, these people have always encouraged me and been there for me. Kindness and empathy mean a lot to me and have encouraged me more than you know.
But I also didn't mention the people around me, who validate my illness and encourage me through it. God bless them all. My family, my friends, whether they truly know my experience first hand or not, these people have always encouraged me and been there for me. Kindness and empathy mean a lot to me and have encouraged me more than you know.
My concussion specialist(s), who truly listened to me, and respected my desire to try natural supplements before medication for the pain and the...everything. Brain fog, head pressure, I could go on as nasuem (as it were. But I do a lot of things ad Nasuem lately HA)
I also didn't tell you that I considered polishing and thouroughly proofreading my previous post, but as this point...if I stare at the screen long enough to write perfectly I likely won't write at all. I won't apologize for the errors because the post itself represents my life, doing the best I can, messing up sometimes, trying not to care how I appear to people who don't know me and don't know my story.
I also didn't tell you that I considered polishing and thouroughly proofreading my previous post, but as this point...if I stare at the screen long enough to write perfectly I likely won't write at all. I won't apologize for the errors because the post itself represents my life, doing the best I can, messing up sometimes, trying not to care how I appear to people who don't know me and don't know my story.
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