Keep Calm And Write On

There are days when I feel alright, but lately, those are getting fewer and farther between. Church, something every Christian should look forward to and strive to fully participate in, is sometimes exhausting, and long, and the act of sitting, standing, sitting, standing, and then sitting and standing again is sometimes just too much. So sometimes I sit during worship. I sit when we come in, and I stay sat.  At first, I worried too much about what other people would think (big surprise there). Would they think I'm any less worshipful? am I less earnest somehow? Should I be standing, even through the dizziness? Shouldn't I be willing to make that sacrifice? And really, is it a sacrifice at all or any big deal? Christ died for me, and I can't stand for him? Seems selfish. but is it? What does the Bible say about what God requires of us, anyway? Doesn't it prescribe a certain way to worship? "Thou shalt stand or thine fellow worshippers may pelt thee with gar

 I have a love-hate relationship with a Million Little Things. It's good storytelling, but also...how many tragedies can one circle of friends possibly go through?  The goal of the show seems to be to relate to as many people and their struggles as possible. So I was thrilled when one of my own struggles, the effects of TBI, became a storyline. Regina sustains a concussion during a BLM protest, and in the episodes following, we see her have memory problems, which in turn begin affecting her career, and a quest to find what's wrong. We see her mother advocating for Gina in a doctor's office the way many of us who are chronically ill or disabled have had our loved ones advocate for us. It was refreshing. It also paved the way for an interesting storyline pursuing the changed dynamic between Gina and her husband Rome, who throughout the series has been the partner who received more support. How would Gina balance caring for herself and supporting Rome? This story had such pot

 I've seen a lot of loss. And I know people who have seen much more. I've grieved in ways I'm not yet comfortable blogging about, but my God is faithful and he's placed a lot of people around me to support and continually point towards himself.  Sometimes it feels as though I've lived so much LIFE in the past few years it's difficult to even wrap my mind around it all.  In the past three years, I've said goodby to my great aunt and my nana, I graduated college, got my first Big Girl With A Degree Job, moved across the country, started online dating, met someone, Married him (!!) had a baby,  and moved BACK across the country.  Not mentioned is the emergency gallbladder removal, COVID related family emergencies, and more.  Sometimes it all seems like too much. There's been very little time to rest, and absorb. Process. Grieve, move on. Accept.  I quit writing because what was the point in trying to find ONE thing to write about when there was SO much. Eve

 I snapped a picture one day that somehow looked heckin artsy and like I’m someone cool who has it all together.  But behind the selfie, what you didn’t see is the way I frowned at my postpartum belly flab in the mirror, the way I agonized over finding clothes that flatter the aforementioned postpartum belly flab AND didn’t irritate the 5 then-recent incisions on my abdomen from my gallbladder-ectomy*. You didn’t see the struggle to get my contacts in, and the sore fingers that are the reason 90% of my shoes, including the ones I’m wearing off camera- are slip-ons.  You just see the selfie. And that’s fine if we’re acquaintances from years back or coworkers. But there’s got to be people who see behind the selfies, behind the scenes of the carefully crafted, sterile social media image. Humans are social beings, we were created for community, and Christians, in particular, are actually commanded to fellowship.  "And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but en

 I’ve written about self care before, but I’ve been thinking a lot about it again.  The catalyst for these thoughts was this article:  https://forge.medium.com/im-tired-of-basic-human-needs-being-seen-as-self-care-for-women-54ef206e918c When I read the title, I was on board. Then I read the article.  No longer on board.  Now it’s worth mentioning that this article is clearly written from a secular standpoint, whereas I’m writing from a reformed Christian one. Do with that information what you will.  If you lack the time to read the article, here’s the nutshell; the author makes a claim that mothers are overwhelmed with their responsibilities and often see as self-care the basic needs that every human being has. These include bathing, using the bathroom alone, eating, sleeping etc.  okay, sure.  Where she lost me entirely was later in the article, where she made the claim that not only does true self care go above and beyond the basic needs, but it also must only serve yourself. If it s

 “I would die for my child.” A well-known, often said sacrificial statement. I didn’t really know how my fierce love for my child would manifest until the first time she was extremely upset and I didn’t know why.  Readers, I would have cut off a finger to console my baby.  I would die to protect her.  Both are strong, love-filled sentiments. And both, God willing, are unnecessary.  But there’s a daunting task that is absolutely necessary. At times it needs to be a conscious decision. Sometimes it’ll require taking care of yourself so that you can better care for your child. Sometimes, for some, it will literally seem harder to do than to die for your child.  It’s living for your child.  Postpartum depression can sneak up on anyone, and I’ve heard heartbreaking stories of just how deeply it affects moms. Good moms. Awesome moms It’s too early to tell for me, but unfortunately, I have almost every risk factor there is. But I also have a rocking support system and wonderful physicians loo