The problem with self-care

 I’ve written about self care before, but I’ve been thinking a lot about it again. 

The catalyst for these thoughts was this article: 

https://forge.medium.com/im-tired-of-basic-human-needs-being-seen-as-self-care-for-women-54ef206e918c

When I read the title, I was on board. Then I read the article. 

No longer on board. 

Now it’s worth mentioning that this article is clearly written from a secular standpoint, whereas I’m writing from a reformed Christian one. Do with that information what you will. 

If you lack the time to read the article, here’s the nutshell; the author makes a claim that mothers are overwhelmed with their responsibilities and often see as self-care the basic needs that every human being has. These include bathing, using the bathroom alone, eating, sleeping etc. 

okay, sure. 

Where she lost me entirely was later in the article, where she made the claim that not only does true self care go above and beyond the basic needs, but it also must only serve yourself. If it serves anyone else in your household it’s not self care. 

Bruh. 

Let me tell you about the ridiculous happiness I get from my planner and my budget planner and organizing my family’s lives and finances with a cup of coffee and snack in hand. 

Or when I get to fill a need someone has using the resources God has blessed me with. 

These things benefit other people, but they also make me feel like a productive member of my family and society. I don’t see these things as drudgery, they recharge me. Who’s to say that’s not self-care? 

Now there’s 100% nothing wrong with doing something *just* for yourself. But there’s a place and time for these things and barring a true mental health break, they’re luxuries, not necessities, and blurring that line will only make you bitter and discontent in the season you’re in. 

When I was single and childless, I bought what I wanted, ate what I wanted, traveled home when I wanted to. There’s nothing wrong with that. But I have a family now. The things I do for myself are rightfully on a much smaller scale because my priorities have shifted. 

Jesus set an example for us of carving out time to pray. And sometimes, people followed him. The sheep sought him out to be taught. When Jesus took time away, it was to commune with his father and seek him in prayer. Jesus’ self-care had an eternal value. 

Get the mani pedi, buy the coffee. That’s fine. Just be careful that you’re not replacing the important things with luxuries and making idols of them. 

And recognize that there are times when you may have few or no luxuries. And I’m not saying don’t meet your own basic needs. As the apostle Paul would say; “by no means!” 

I think there’s a biblical principle for being a good steward of your physical body and caring for it the best you can. But sometimes, when you have small children or infants at home, these things can feel like luxuries. The answer isn’t to treat yourself with more luxuries, it’s to seek God through the spiritual disciplines first; if you have limited time and you need to utilize an audio Bible or pray while you feed your baby, so be it. But don’t let the disciplines, the true non negotiables  of Christian life, be crowded out in the name of self care.