what's kept me from blogging. (or: excuses, excuses...)



Writing used to mean a lot to me.

But now?

Now things like work, school, and concussions have stolen my catharsis away from me. I've stayed away from new years resolutions for years, and in some ways nothing really ever changes. A calendar year is simply a marking point for the passing of time. So why is the beginning of a year so important to us? Why does it hold so much supposed promise?

Because January 2017 separates us from 2016, for better or for worse. we are finally in a different year from things like car accidents, deaths of family members, and serious injuries. They seem to have less of an impact when we can finally relegate them to the shadowy past of "last year", instead of implying that they still have a sort of hold on us because they happened "this year."

What's kept me from blogging for most of 2016?

Everything.

Fear.

Depression.

Exhaustion.

My second concussion, after which I was so far behind in my classes that I had to focus solely on school.

Finals.

Work.

Writer's block.


I decided to take 15 minutes today and just write, see what happens. Will it be readable? Will it make sense? I don't know. But I need to write it, whatever 'it' is. Excuses about my blogging absence, perhaps, a list of new years resolutions, maybe. A declaration that this is the year that everything changes.

Well. 2016 was the year that everything changed for me. I don't feel like the same person, and for good reason. I think it's been the year that grew me most as a person.

My boyfriend asked me the other day what I wanted my 2017 to look like.

I've never been good at on the fly thinking.

I patched together some semblance of a response, mostly relating to my reading goals. After my concussions reading became a chore instead of a hobby, and I hate that feeling, so thats definitely something I want to work on.

What I wish I had had time to formulate was my big picture answer, who I want to become in this year. More forgiving, more compassionate, more Christlike. Definitely not pat answers, but the ones laying on my heart the most.

I've been lax about blogging, and hopefully thats one of the things to change this year.

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