When Healing Takes Too Long

My mind had wandered. I knew it, but I thought I could control my thoughts. I was wrong. It sucked me back in and replayed in my mind, this thing that had impacted me so.  I tried in vain to remind myself that  that I was safe, I was sitting in science class, and everything was fine.

By the time I made it outside I could barely breathe for the panic, but when I took a deep breath of the late spring air, it did a lot to revive me, and I focused on my breathing the whole way to my counselors office, glancing around as I always did, for some reason paranoid that someone I knew would see me. Not a lot of people knew I was in counseling, or that this thing had impacted me so much. But it had, and I felt trapped.

I talked to my counselor and after my appointment with her, I bought lunch and took it outside with me. I took deep breaths of the fresh air and felt myself relax. Still, I couldn't let go of the feeling that it was taking me too long to heal from this.

"It'll take time." People kept saying that to me, but they never mentioned how much time it would take or where the fast forward button was. When you're hurting and healing, people always mention time, but never how much.

Healing takes a lot longer than you anticipate sometimes. And thats okay, because when you take time to process things, you can process them in a way that recognizes that God works all for the good for those who love him and are called according to His purpose, (Romans 8:28)

When I was healing, I couldn't write like I usually did to process things. I didn't have my catharsis. So I had to find a new one.
Drawing and quotes became my new catharsis, my new release. During my time of healing that seemed too long, I did a lot of drawing. and I did a lot of praying. A little crying, to be honest. I couldn't focus on much while I was healing, so I had a lot of time to just talk to God and try to process it all.

And it took a long time. A long time. a lot of tears. A lot of recited bible verses. A lot of talking to friends and a lot of phone calls to family, but my God is faithful, and even when healing takes a long time, He uses this time to grow us, in ways we couldn't possibly have fortold.

I don't know how many tomorrows healing takes, 

But I do know who holds my tomorrows. 


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